Give me "something to believe in"

"Something to believe in" has always been one of my favorite songs. It is a staple on my iPod running playlist. The chorus has always spoken to me when I feel that I am fighting an uphill battle. For the past three years, these lyrics have taken on new meaning and bring tears to my eyes.

And give me something to believe in If there's a Lord above And give me something to believe in Oh, Lord arise ...I tried all night not to break down and cry As the tears rolled down my face I felt so cold and empty Like a lost soul out of place 

As many of you know I lost my father suddenly three years ago this coming Monday; a week ago today he was hospitalized. Each year since, as January draws to a close I feel a dark cloud closing in around me. I miss my father and think of him every day, but as February comes, marking another year I will not see him, laugh with him, I am overwhelmed with sadness and grief.

This year, as I trained for my 4th Quintiles Marathon at Wrightsville Beach, the sadness impaired my drive to push myself in workouts. I suppose my mind and body just didn't want to hurt any more than they already were; perhaps there is a physical and mental limit to pain the body can or will handle. I can't make the sadness of losing my father go away, but my body could shut down so that I could not impose pain through intense marathon workouts. Who knows, I'm certainly not the kind of doctor that understands these things.

It is times like these in which I am so very grateful for my husband, family, friends, coach, and teammates. I lean on them so much, often not disclosing why things seem so hard. I am so truly blessed to have these people in my life.

To get my head back in the game, my coach (Tom Clifford) gave me a series of challenges the past few weeks. The first was 30 x 400 meters at 5K effort which was moved to the hilly roads of Fincastle due to snow. He told me to think of having $100 bills in my pocket instead of $1 bills. It might sound silly, but I literally reached into my imaginary pocket and tossed out any $1 bills when negative thoughts creeped into my head...and it worked. The horses along the road looked at me with great interest when I released an enormous celebratory scream upon completing the workout.

This brings challenge #2. I typically race the half marathon at Myrtle Beach before Quintiles as a tune-up. Tom told me to race the 5K the night before racing the half marathon...WHAT? Tom was by my side for each event, even when another unexpected challenge came along: a massive pile-up and tumbling runners claiming both of us. Tom and I both ate pavement at the start of the 5K, a first for me. He pulled me up and we took off. Continuous comments like "Allie, I believe in you. You need to too" and "Now is the time to push; you got this" during the 5K drove me to a win, top 10 overall, and fastest 5K of the season. Dinner and laughs with Tom, Christa, and Josh topped off the night.

Saturday morning brought the half marathon. I was able to push through on tired legs and run a decent time. It was a huge confidence booster. After the race there was plenty of camaraderie with Without Limits friends.

I will leave Myrtle Beach with something to believe in and fewer tears rolling down my face. Having such an amazing support group of friends and family is invaluable. I am blessed. They have helped make running a therapy and release again and a refuge from grief and sadness.

Bring it on Quintiles!

ASSA Annual Meeting, San Diego: Interviews, presentations, running, and friends

Early this morning I landed in Roanoke, VA after an exciting, but tiring, trip to San Diego. I attended the 2013 Allied Social Science Associations (ASSA) Annual Meeting. This is one of the largest and arguably the most prestigious academic conference in the world of economics. (We even had a cool app for our iPhones...that is big time.)

There were several purposes of the trip:
1. Interview candidates for the Assistant Professor of Economics (development and/or environmental preferable) opening in our program at Roanoke College. We (colleagues Dr. Garry Fleming and Dr. Edward Nik-Khah and I) interviewed nine candidates on Friday and Saturday that we selected from over 300 applications. The academic labor market for economics appears to be improving, although there is a surplus of PhD's.

2. Chair and present in a session sponsored by LERA:
The Impact of Mental and Emotional Health, Stress and Disability over the Business Cycle (Symposium)—Laguna

Chair: Alice Louise Kassens, Roanoke College

Presenters: Alice Louise Kassens, Roanoke College and William M. Rodgers III, Rutgers University—The Impact of Clinical Depression on the Labor Market Outcomes of Young Adults during Economic Downturn

Samuel L. Myers, University of Minnesota and Ding Sai, Chinese Academy of Social Sciences—The Effects of Disability on Earnings in China and the United States over the Business Cycle

Tim M. Diette and Arthur H. Goldsmith, Washington and Lee University and Darrick Hamilton, The New School—Revisiting the Long-Term Unemployment and Mental Health Causality Quandary: A New -- Resilient Population -- Approach and Results

John Chaisson, Thought Leadership Institute—A Study to Identify the Effects of Candidate and Employer Recessionary Stress on the Quality of Hire, Candidate Fit and Hiring Efficiency

Discussants: Alvin E. Headen, Jr., North Carolina State University

Lauren Appelbaum, University of California, Los Angeles

This session was special for several reasons. First, it was my first opportunity to present a paper at  ASSA which is a big professional accomplishment. Second, the composition of the group. William M. Rodgers III is not only my coauthor, but he was my undergraduate professor at The College of William and Mary and has played a tremendous role in my life (along with his amazingly brilliant wife, Yana). Al Headen was one of my professors in graduate school, and was the chair of my dissertation committee. Again, a person who has given me great advice over the years and is very special to me.

The session went smoothly and some interesting topics were discussed. Art Goldsmith had many thoughtful and useful comments for Bill and my work. The presentation that I gave is below if you want to check it out!




3. Connect with colleagues. Given Bill works at Rutgers, we have to make the most of opportunities to work face-to-face. We had two productive meetings, one before the presentation and one afterwards, to review our results and talk about next steps.

Saturday afternoon Bill brought me to the business meeting and book author celebration for the International Association for Feminist Economists (IAFFE). Yana is quite active in this organization and introduced me to many of the women of IAFFE after the meeting. I plan to join the group and hope to become a useful and productive member.

Saturday I had lunch with Al Headen between interviews. I adore his wit and if you listen carefully he is a wealth of information and advice. He is brilliant (PhD=MIT) and has a wealth of advice and experiences to share, but he does not force it on anyone. He generously offers it, but it is up to you to take the advice and run with it. He keeps me on my toes.

Of course, I made time for play! I got up around 5 am each morning to work and go for a run. Due to time constraints, I had to stick close to the hotel, but running in warm weather along the water beats the cold any day. Sunday night I hammered out 7 x mile tempo workout on Harbor Island. Perfect place for that workout: flat, along the water, and little traffic. I stuck to the main road that follows the water.

Ariel view of Harbor Island. 

Monday I did venture over to Balboa Park since the conference was over and I had more time. There are some mega-hills to climb to get there! The park itself is nice with amazing views of the mountains and water. There are some trails on either side of Florida Drive. I must say that I was not impressed. The trails we have in the Roanoke area are far superior. I am sure that there are many great trail systems in the San Diego area that I did not have time to hit.

One of the trails in Balboa Park

Finally, I was treated to dinner on Sunday night by my good friend Patti and her husband and daughter. I have not seen Patti in years and it was so wonderful to see her again. She is loving the San Diego life!

Next week, the spring 2013 semester begins. I have some new ideas for my Principles course and my Faculty Scholar Award begins. Updates coming soon.

Enjoy!