The ugly, the bad, and the good

Its been two months since my return to marathoning from meniscectomy. The number of days between the race and this race report and the number of minutes I took to cover 26.2 miles are positively related: both high. Sigh. I toed the line at the 2015 Quintiles Marathon at Wrightsville Beach fit to run between 3:05 and 3:10. Not near my PR, but solid.

The UGLY
I ran 3:16.09, the second slowest marathon of my life. It sounds silly, but I still get teary thinking about the race. I have never been hurt like I was before surgery and thus never experienced a return to running after a prolonged setback. (I was out of running completely for three months.) Many more workouts went well than not heading into the race. I maintained 55-65 miles (on 5 days) and 15-20K of swimming (on 5 days) per week the months leading up to the race. Conservative, but I did not want to rush anything.

Mile 22 (Photo: Kimberly Bowler)

I planned to run 7:00-7:10 pace for the first half of the race and 6:50-7:00 pace the second half. Perfect conditions greeted racers, but my body was not able to do what I hoped. I believe that I went through 13.1 around 7:15 pace and finished the race in a 7:30 pace. I was the 8th woman and 2nd master (top master was over 6:00 in front of me).

Getting my growler for 2nd master (Photo: Kimberly Bowler)

 I have unresolved questions:

Did I set the bar too high?
Given I cannot run high mileage anymore, will I ever sniff 3:00 again (I am 40 years old)?
Should I do another marathon?

The BAD
After the race I was terribly upset. To non-runners this sounds foolish, self-centered, and like a "first world problem." They are right, but I can't help it. At least I am honest.

In 2011 and 2012 I ran 2:59 and 3:00, respectively, at this event. It stings...big time. I wish that I could say "I've got the eye of the tiger" and that I am hungry to redeem myself next year. I don't. Will I? Who knows.

The GOOD
A month later I headed to Williamsburg, home of my alma mater, and ran a 5K. I knew that I would not be sharp given the short turn around from the marathon, but I hoped to compete and be tough. I did and I was. I ran 19:15 with even mile splits throughout. Not fast, but I felt strong and I battled. That was thrilling. I hung on to a high schooler like nobody's business until 1200 to go when her speed bested mine. She finished 10 seconds in front of me. We encouraged each other along the way and she was sweet and gracious after the race, both wonderful qualities to see in a young athlete.

Close to mile 2

Even better...my college coach grabbed me up when I crossed the finish line. Seeing him brought tears to my eyes as it was a reminder of the amazing experience I had running for the College of William and Mary many years ago. One of William and Mary Track and Cross Country's alumni and supporters, Randy Hawthorne, also ran the race and joined the impromptu reunion afterwards. Coach PVR even wore one of the t-shirts that I designed for our team. He is the best!

Randy, me, Coach PVR

I am trying to move forward and am following an unstructured training plan that includes plenty of swimming. I have patellar tendinitis in my left leg, so I am babying it. I do not have any race plans other than a few swim meets and open water events this summer.

Trying to get positive,

A running & research long weekend - Part 4

Day 5 - Race day

My little girl, Millie

My alarm went off at 3:00 am. 6:30 am race starts are early! And I need to give at least three hours for my final calories to digest. Got up with my sweet little girls (Millie and Lily) to have oatmeal with a touch of granola, Hammer Heed and a nice cup of coffee:) I have been eating oatmeal every morning for some time now, including big long-run workouts, so I know that it works well with me. Keeping the fluids pumping in with some additional calories through Heed. I drink coffee every morning (and many other times during the day/night), so I don't want to change that, even though I don't need any help waking up this morning. I am so excited for the race.

After eating I did some work on my depression project and readied my marathon iPod play list to keep my mind off of  the race. The only time I let myself think about it was when I needed to do something for the race, such as drink some fluid, shower or checking that my Perpetuem bottles were ready for my mother to bring to the race course. Staying only in the moment helps me avoid race-day jitters and get "monkey mind."

I left my mother's house at 5:15 am to drive to Wrightsville Beach park and the start line. As I drove past the  Landfall entrance that marathoners would be going through three times this morning there was considerable police and EMT activity. I texted Coach/Race Director Tom Clifford in case the road was going to close. That would be a mess! We later learned that the commotion was for a race volunteer who was hit by a drunk driver. He amazingly only broke his ankle. WOW.  Talk about someone looking out for you.

Warm-up 5:45 am
100% humidity and temps already around 60 degrees met us this morning. I am so glad that I was aggressive as possible with hydration yesterday. The key to a decent race will be conservative running, keeping fluids and calories coming in, and patience. A PR is not likely in the cards, but competing and going for the win still is. After going through some dynamic stretches, I got my iPod out and started an easy 10:00 jog with strides on the loop, visualizing the first part of the race. I was happy and at peace, which is the best way to go into a marathon. Nerves were calmed by seeing running buddies Melanie, Melissa, Crotty, John, Leigh, Jason and Kyle plus coaches Tom and Brian before the start, as we waited for Tom's big AC/DC Thunderstruck race start. Just before the start, I looked up to see my husband, Brandon. What I surprise! He drove down after a meet at Lynchburg College and stayed at my sister's. What a way to start a race. That and the rocking AC/DC pump up:) Now to run like I mean it!

Race 6:40-9:40 am

Once the gun goes off in a marathon, I am always so much more relaxed than the days leading up to that moment. I have heard some say that the hardest part of running a marathon is stepping up to the line. It can be daunting to think about the challenge that awaits:) Amazingly all of the tightness and awkward running feeling that I had been having for the last three weeks was gone. I felt super smooth and knew by mile one if I ran smart I would have a good race (given the conditions). The lead biker picked me up after leaving Harbor Island around three miles. There is nothing that gets you going like seeing a bike pull up next to you with the sign "Marathon - Female Leader" on it. It still gives me chills. When I passed Christa and Tom for the first time I gave them big thumbs up, letting them know it was a good day.

My mother, Brandon and hat:)

As we came onto Military Cutoff for the first time, the crowds were amazing. This is one of the reasons why I love this race. People are up and going nuts early on a Sunday! I kept an eye out for my "crew" of Brandon, Kate, and my mother who had my bottles of Perpetuem. Luckily Brandon had a huge leprechaun hat on, which made his already 6'2" frame visible in the dense fog. The plan was to pickup a new 14 oz. bottle when I passed them at miles 5, 12 and 22. Turned out to be a very good plan, and in fact I held on to each until I came to the next. I was pushing fluids throughout the entire race. Something I learned at a very hot marathon many years ago. I also took Endurolyte capsules every two miles.

Yucky mile focus

I felt great through 16-18 miles, with a slight bad spot at 14. This is normal, as I think that the body switches energy sources around 14 miles. As my friend Tara says, "Good miles can still come." I just know that I have to run though a few yucky ones. Luckily seeing friends in Landfall helped bring a smile to my face during this period. Being in the moment and smiling helps so much.

I am also a big fan of music, especially in races where you will be alone without other runners. Some of the tunes that got me through Quintiles 2012 were "Lose yourself," "Dr. Feelgood," "We are young," and, coincidentally over the final miles when the cramping set in, "Living dead girl." There was also a little Britney, J-Lo and Pink in there I will admit:)

Mile 22

By the time I got to my family the last time my calves were ready to cramp. The key to the final 10K was going to be staying off of my toes as much as possible. Although I had been on PR pace through halfway, surprising myself with some sub 6:40 mile splits (although I backed off each time knowing that dehydration was coming with the weather), the weather was taking its toll. I had a large enough lead that as long as my muscles did not completely lock-up I would win. I focused on enjoying what was left of the race and slowing my pace enough to not lose my calves completely.

Mile 26.1

High five Dan & Christa

Coming into the finish was amazing. WOL teammates were out in force. I had made it through despite the weather. I even got to high-five friends as I came in. I actually did not even care that the clock had already gone over three hours. I truly enjoyed this race and did the best that I could on the day. Hard work paid off, and my doubts over the last few weeks were for nothing. The time was not what I had trained for, but given the weather, it was a great job. Not that long ago I was struggling to finish a marathon.

Good times will come if I keep doing what I am doing and listening to my coach. I have a great running support group and enjoy the training process. I learned that the taper can be TERRIBLE, but when the gun goes off I can feel great. Tom always says that trust is so important, and this was the perfect example. He knows what he is doing, and if I trust the process, it will work out. Think of all of the wasted energy over the last few weeks! I am so grateful to have people who listened to my carrying on and sometimes crying (Tom, Christa, Matthew, Jackie, Brandon and Leigh to name a few). I am so lucky.

Here is to recovery, extra research time (and gardening in this beautiful weather) and focus on the Columbus Marathon 2012,

Thank you Daddy

PS-I have run the Quintiles Marathon three years in a row in memory of my father, William Diedrick Kassens Jr. who died unexpectedly February 18, 2010. I race with a mini bow tie patch on my uniform in memory of his everyday fashion that many remember him for. He was with me throughout the race and through life.

I miss you so very much. This race & win was for you Daddy.

Tapering is harder than training

I am officially less than two weeks away from the Quintiles Marathon @ Wrightsville Beach and the taper started a week ago.  Every time I do my last big long run before the taper begins I am energized thinking about all of the hard work that I have put in over the past few months and how much I will savor the taper.  I always think that I will feel snappy and full of energy during that period.

It never happens.

Every taper I struggle.  Workouts that used to be relatively easy, I cannot finish.  The confidence that I used to be brimming with, disappears.  "Can I/Should I even run the marathon?" is a question that always crosses my mind.  Yesterday I had one of those workouts that was a struggle.  My running buddy Matthew met me at 7:30 on the Greenway for 4 x 2 miles at tempo with 2:00 rests.  Before Quintiles last year I made it through three of the 2 miles, and ran some of the best splits I had at that point and was very tough mentally.  This year, different story.  I labored after the first mile and lost myself mentally.  My brain was firing panic messages and in the middle of the second repeat I pulled up.  Matthew is such a positive training partner and he tried to reason with me, but I was a blubbering mess.  (I bet he did not know what he was in for that morning!)  We pushed through a bit more, but I was done mentally.

On the way home I called my coach, Tom Clifford.  I left a message telling him about the workout (which was coming off a rough one Thursday).  I even uttered the words "I don't know if I should do Quintiles."  He called me back within a few minutes on his way to meet the team for a long run in Wilmington.  Somehow Tom knows when to be hard on me (believe me he has let me have it before...but it was always when I needed a kick the the bum) and when to not be.

"So, how was the race?  Oh yeah, I forgot, it was a workout!"  is how our conversation began.  He always has to remind me that workouts are not races, and if they don't go well it does not mean that you will not race well.  From there he was everything that a coach should be.  Reminding me to stop putting pressure on myself, how I typically do not run well while tapering (I ran a 19:30 5K two weeks before a sub-three marathon in 2003 and 2011), and it is normal to doubt yourself during the taper.  When your body is used to running 90-100 miles a week and then it drops, your body starts to repair, rest, and ready itself for the big task coming up.  This often leaves the runner physically and emotionally drained.  It is so hard for me to remember this.  I did go into the workout telling myself this was a do-or-die situation.  If I nailed it, I would run well in the marathon, if I did not, the marathon was going to be a failure.  That was too much pressure, especially for the windy and cold conditions that we had that morning.  It seems so silly as I read it now.  Why would one workout trump the last 4 months of workouts?

Tom told me to eat, relax, take a nap, and then go to the track, warm up two miles, do two at tempo, and cool down two.  The purpose was two-fold: 1) Since I did not finish the workout that morning, I needed a bit more so that I would not be too rested too soon for the marathon and 2) get my head back in the game.  He told me to run with my heart and not my head.  My husband joined me at the middle-school track in town with the wind still blowing and snow starting to fall.  On he same effort, I ran 6:01, 5:55.  I was not even breathing hard.  All heart.  When I turned in to the wind on the backstretch each time, I just put my head down, focused on form, and thought about how nice the home stretch will feel, instead of how hard it is to hold pace into the wind.

Training can be so easy once you get into a schedule, but the taper can be so hard.  It is crucial to have good friends and coaches to keep you from doubting too much.

Even though I might not run great workouts over the next two weeks, the one thing that I will focus on is having MAlice going to the start line at Quintiles and not just Alice.